Quite related to the post about my dad, is this one: is it time to pull the trigger?
The next day when I got home from my folks, I was a bit of a wreck. Mr. Wonderful had been out with good friends and had been unreachable throughout the excitement and even when I did reach him, his jubilant mood brought on by sharing some spirits with good friends was not the strong serious rock of support that I desperately wanted at that moment. However, after cleaning myself into a frenzy and the point of exhaustion, Mr. Wonderful decided I was in need of some serious naptime. Which resulted in some emotional together time in which because of my particularly emotional state caused me to suggest we have a baby. I said something silly to the point that I wanted my dad to get to have at least one grandbaby and creating life in the face of death (or something like that) was so powerful. Mr. Wonderful said, "it's such a wonderful but such a terrifying prospect." And with that we agreed to start trying.
OMG! So today, in the light of the day, after a good night's sleep, and a stressful and demanding day at work, I wonder...what were we thinking?!?!?! Is this a good decision!?!?!? Should we ponder this more?!?!?!?! Aren't there a million more things that we want to do? To travel, to get our careers more settled, to save some money, to get to be able to buy the things we've held off for so long, to enjoy each other more? The stigma in my program over getting pregnant is not small. But part of me thinks it's ridiculous to let what other people think, dictate childbearing decisions. But still, is it a good time now? Is it better to wait? What are the consequences for waiting longer?
In all reality, it will take us a long time to get pregnant (fertility challenged is the category I fall in) and trying now doesn't mean we'll have a bouncing baby in 9months, but still like Mr. Wonderful said, "amazing and terrified!" just about sums up how I feel today. Is anyone ever mature enough or ready enough or at a good place in their live enough to have children????
