Take My Breath Away

If you've read any of my recent posts, you'll know that big changes are coming in my life.  And I am not good with big changes that are impossible to plan for, control, or foresee the outcome of.  So my entire being is awash with anxieties.  Anxieties that unfortunately sometimes come out negatively (as darling DH put it, "you just get in these circular rants where you say the same thing over and over..").  But when I am with DLO, all of a sudden she will do something: break into peals of laughter, stick her tongue out while she concentrates on something new she learned, turn around suddenly and lock eyes with me giving me the biggest, toothiest (all 6 teeth!) grin and my heart stops.  No anxieties can be found.  I am agog at this beam of sunshine that came into my life only 10.5 short months ago.  Her tiny being does more for my soul than any failed attempts at yoga or meditation.  She literally has the ability to stop me in my tracks and make me appreciate all that is good in life, forces me to be absolutely present in that moment, reminds me of the sheer bliss and innocence that somehow gets lost as we age.  In those moments, I embrace all of those things but mostly I embrace my dimpled, chubby-cheeked, curious, joy-filled child that I have been blessed with.  Being a mama has changed my life in oh so many ways.  And as any mama knows, there are some things we dearly miss, but never could I have predicted or appreciated the way she fills my life with her own little brand of sunshine.  "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.  You make me happy when skies are grey.  You'll never know dear how much I love you, so please don't (ever) take my sunshine away."