Where's the thrill?

I wanted to write something lyrical and beautiful and fun to read.  I was reading the most wonderful blog that felt like reading poetry, the kind of blog that is a rare beast and most certainly not found in my own musings.  The kind of blog that makes you wish the author would pen hundreds of novels so on that rare vacation when you can read a book you are swept away and feel the soul healing sensation of a book that transports you and nurtures you and heals you.  I cannot actually tell you what kind of book or what subject these novels are, but I know they exist because I have read such books that make me tear up for their wonderfulness but also tear up when I finish them.  They are the books that I immediately go to Amazon and purchase so that in the even rarer case I have time to re-read a novel, they are waiting there like an old friend ready to welcome me back into their embrace.  Ah, the memories of childhood where there was so much time to sink into and get utterly lost in such books.  Now time is so precious that I get frustrated by the lack of quality books because lord help the author who wastes my precious time with inferior writing!  But I digress.  I have always wanted to write like that.  When I read something like that I am re-inspired to write anything, a love letter to my DH, the next great American novel, a fantastic blog post.  And so I try.  And then I realize that I fall more into the "inferior material" kind of author and I am sad.
That's how I feel about all my recent posts.  The one issue with medical school applications (and reapplications) is that it is YEARS worth of chasing after a singular dream. So all the fears and nerves and concerns just cycle back over and over.  Nothing is new, nothing changes, nothing is resolved because no forward movement has been made.  Now we are down to my last month before I am officially a M1.  I still worry about money, about having more children, about time to spend with my children and DH, about commuting to medical school, about passing medical school, about being a great doctor while most importantly being a great mother, about my marriage making it through the stress of medical school and all the challenges it brings.  See, inferior material.  Really I should just make every post about DD because even in noone else finds it soul-enriching, I most certainly do.  A more lucky mother you cannot find.  And that brings us full circle: I feel no thrill over starting medical school because I fear the challenges will most affect my child (and children to come) and this theme is all I can bring myself to blog about because it is all that is on my mind.