At this point, the point of no return on my decision-making process has arrived. Work won't really let me change my mind since they need to hire someone to replace me and without a job, I really have nothing better to do than go to medical school. But everynight as I lay there trying to get back to sleep after another cuddle session with DLO, I try to calm the panic attacks that tell me "you're making the wrong decision!" I am giving up a very good job and going back to school in a city 3 hours away from my family. While you do not have to be present for every part of medical school, there will still be nights I will be away from my family. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I'm not sure I can handle that. I struggle with wondering how much it will impact DLO or if its just me that it will worry. DH is amazing with her and I'm sure they will be just fine but I NEVER had plans to be an absent mother (ok, it's only for the occasional night or two a week...but still) and despite ALL of the reasons on why this decision is good for our family, the "in-the-moment" emotions of it tell me it might be one big terrible mistake.
I hope I look back and read this in several years to find I've over-reacted and everything went swimmingly but as a rather Type-A personality (shock, I know!) I can't plan or control or even foresee the impact this decision will have. Frankly I'm just scared. So here we go...
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