Bump In the Road (Literally)

In my mind, I envision that the minute the words left my lips, "it would literally be the worst time to get pregnant, but it sure would make all the decisions easier," my egg and Mr. Wonderful's sperm met in a cosmic collision of epic proportions with dramatic cinema music playing.  I was saying this to my mom as I whispered to her about how bad I wanted to pursue a post-doc at Harvard and was feeling guilty about dragging Mr. Wonderful across the country away from the life we'd "planned on." 
After a whole year of unsuccessfully TTC, I decided that we would take a break because no matter which career option I took, all of them would be difficult to pursue if I was popping a baby out 10 months later...again cue dramatic cinema music.
Two weeks of extremely sore breasts, general fatigue and laziness (attributed to winter), and insomnia, I took a pregnancy test in the middle of the night.  I looked at it 2 seconds later, threw it in a drawer in disgust and fell into bed.  I had played this game twice over the previous year, a few times we were just sure I was pregnant and every week I took a test which was negative until AF arrived and we were crushed.  I refused to even suggest to Mr. Wonderful this time around that I was having suspicious thoughts about a poorly time squatter in my uterus until I had a positive test.  The next morning after stumbling through my morning routine, I opened the drawer to rid myself of the evidence from my midnight test and was literally stunned to see a second pink line. 
Breaking it to Mr. Wonderful?  I told him I had one more Christmas present for him, which beautifully set him up to protest that I had gotten too many gifts for him already.  I handed him the test.  Tears and hugs were shared all around though I could see he was thinking the faint pink line was more like a "maybe" while I was very familiar with squinting every which way to make any mark appear on those damned tests and knew this was no maybe.  So we picked up some "higher quality" tests later that day.  I couldn't even wait til morning.  I took it and got myself another pink line. 
So here I am.  Thrilled beyond belief.  Not an ounce of me is bummed that about half my previously opened career paths are now shut.  After TTC for a year and starting to believe I would fall into the UTC (unable to conceive) category, this was a gift that I would not regret. 
Lord knows that its only through the anonymity of the Internet can I even announce a 5 week pregnancy and I am bitterly aware that sometime in the next 7 weeks there's a chance I could be secretly deleting this post but for now I am thrilled.  Thrilled with the excruciatingly painful breasts, the terrible insomnia, and the shuttered life plans.  It's going to be a very exciting 2015~!

Amazing and Terrifying!

Quite related to the post about my dad, is this one: is it time to pull the trigger?
The next day when I got home from my folks, I was a bit of a wreck.  Mr. Wonderful had been out with good friends and had been unreachable throughout the excitement and even when I did reach him, his jubilant mood brought on by sharing some spirits with good friends was not the strong serious rock of support that I desperately wanted at that moment.  However, after cleaning myself into a frenzy and the point of exhaustion, Mr. Wonderful decided I was in need of some serious naptime.  Which resulted in some emotional together time in which because of my particularly emotional state caused me to suggest we have a baby.  I said something silly to the point that I wanted my dad to get to have at least one grandbaby and creating life in the face of death (or something like that) was so powerful.  Mr. Wonderful said, "it's such a wonderful but such a terrifying prospect." And with that we agreed to start trying.
OMG! So today, in the light of the day, after a good night's sleep, and a stressful and demanding day at work, I wonder...what were we thinking?!?!?! Is this a good decision!?!?!?  Should we ponder this more?!?!?!?! Aren't there a million more things that we want to do?  To travel, to get our careers more settled, to save some money, to get to be able to buy the things we've held off for so long, to enjoy each other more?  The stigma in my program over getting pregnant is not small.  But part of me thinks it's ridiculous to let what other people think, dictate childbearing decisions.  But still, is it a good time now?  Is it better to wait?  What are the consequences for waiting longer?
In all reality, it will take us a long time to get pregnant (fertility challenged is the category I fall in) and trying now doesn't mean we'll have a bouncing baby in 9months, but still like Mr. Wonderful said, "amazing and terrified!" just about sums up how I feel today.  Is anyone ever mature enough or ready enough or at a good place in their live enough to have children????